Crubcast

What are the best and worst games to play at a funeral, to get caught playing at a funeral?

We may or may not answer that question here on this week's episode of the Crubcast, your weekly dose of controlled chaos here in podcast form.

My name is Kevin.

I'm here with the three sexiest co-crubbers out of our cast.

We have the dancing man, Nico.

Hi, Nicco.

What's up, gamers?

We have famous Twitch streamer JTart9.

Hi, Justin.

How's it going, everybody?

And playing the part of Brody today on screen in the video version of this podcast at youtube.com/atcrubofficial.

I almost said YouTube dot org is Brody.

He has a bunch of PlayStation characters on screen with a PlayStation five slim and the text PS five has some games.

It's not a slim.

It's just a digital one.

But also, I can't believe that I did not actually read all of the chat leading up to this, because you really caught me off guard with that topic.

Oh, my God.

I was not ready for that.

Yeah.

So today we're going to talk about the worst games to get caught playing at a funeral.

But before we do that, we're going to talk about Astro Bot and why that is the most fun game that exists.

I've said my piece and my reviews of it.

So you've probably already seen them.

Justin and Brody have played the game.

Nicco has not.

But I have explained to him that it's probably the platformer I think he would enjoy first.

You successfully managed and I'll get my quick piece out of the way.

You successfully managed to get me excited about a game that not only did I not care about, but actively did not want to play until you made me think about it differently.

So hats off to you for that one.

I will.

I'm going to pass it to you first, Justin.

I will say we're not going to go into spoilers or anything.

We're going to try and avoid any of the cameo bots in case you haven't played the game yet.

By the time this comes out, it will have been two weeks after launch.

So it should be fair game.

We're just going to talk about what you guys think about it because I had the luxury of getting a review code a week early from Sony, and so I played it and then had to sit quietly for a week, and then once everyone else in the friend group played it, I just sat there saying yeah and not saying anything else because I wanted them to experience it fresh.

So Justin, what do you think about Astro Bot?

It's fantastic.

It's fantastic.

I'm not going to lie.

I had a little bit of fatigue in the middle.

But I get that I completely pushed past it by World 4.

And then World 4, I just blasted through the rest of the game.

I actually, as of recording, I completed the final, final, final challenge about an hour ago.

Like you have some trophy, not the Platinum trophy yet.

I have some like bronzes I have to collect.

Oh, OK.

So you've you've done the like the actual final thing.

Yeah, the actual final.

OK.

OK.

It's that game made me want to.

It's it's given me like more thought of like, I want more of this.

And it keeps jogging my brain of like, well, what if they did this?

And what if they did that?

And what if they did this?

And I'm like, oh, can we have Astro Bot 2, please?

Already.

Yeah.

Already.

I'm ready.

Brody, what do you think about Astro Bot in?

Thirteen words or.

Oh, yes.

OK.

There's two.

If I had one complaint, it's that there's not enough levels with.

Power up.

That existed already.

No, I was trying to say, like, there's there's one power up in particular where it only appears for one level.

Yeah.

And it's such a flex like it is straight up like, oh, the PS5 can do textures at this fidelity.

So we're going to do this power up and it's going to look incredible.

That one we can talk about, I think, because that one's in the trailers.

I think that's fair game.

It's the mouse.

There's there's a mouse power reference, Niko, that in real time you can go from regular size Astro to tiny, smaller than a blade of grass Astro.

And they both have like in the same level with the press of a button.

And they both have different purposes within the level design.

It's so incredible.

It's probably one of, if not my favorite level in the game, because it like I want to see that at such a grander scale, right?

Like that kind of mechanic that just recontextualizes the space that you're in and like where you're looking for secrets and stuff.

And to have it like I already thought with like ratcheting like rift apart, like, oh, they're flexing on the textures.

Like it's insane.

Yeah.

And then with this game, basically doing the thing where people would like zoom in on the horizon zero Dawn trees, right?

To see the fidelity.

This game is essentially has a button that just does that as the mechanic where you're zooming in, going and seeing the fidelity of the textures.

It's it's like even down to like there's levels with like apples in them.

And if you look at the apples, you can see like the the sheen on them and the lines.

And then they even have like this little circuitry like because they're like a digital.

Yeah, because the robots and everything is a robot in that game.

It's so good.

I'm usually not one to be like impressed by just the technical fidelity of a game.

But when it comes to Astro, it really impressed me in that way.

And then to have that on top of how good of a game it is, it is the game which most will make you go, oh man, I wish Nintendo made like actual consoles that competed on like a technological level because I want a Mario game at this fidelity, at this level of visual quality.

Yeah, go ahead, Niko.

That was something Kevin had mentioned to me, like for a lot, and this was what changed my perception about it.

A lot of kids, this will be their Mario 64.

And to me, that made someone like me more interested in it because it means it's not going to be an incredibly difficult game.

Yeah, it's not going to be like a platformer for us.

It's not a platformers, a platformer, veteran's platformer, right?

Like, and that entry level is attractive to me.

Sorry, Kevin.

No, no, you're good.

I described it to someone in the comments of, I think my review, some one of the videos I did Astro Bot recently, they had asked about like, you know, if this is my first PlayStation game, will would you still recommend it?

And when I thought about that, I came to the answer of, imagine one of, if not your favorite 3D Mario game, but it has Smash Bros.

references all over the place.

The gameplay is still incredible.

The gameplay is still there.

It's still creative.

It's still designed so meticulously that every single second is meant to be fun above all else and fun and new and give you some sense of wonder or, oh, that's so cool.

Yeah.

And it also has a bunch of Smash Bros.

style references.

So even if you don't know anything about the other Nintendo franchises, you still have a good ass game.

You still have a great ass game.

Like I don't, I've played this game twice already.

I don't do that with games anymore.

Like I don't play games back to back.

I don't have time for it.

I don't have interest in it.

This one, I played once when I got it that day, and then once when it came out officially.

And after the second playthrough, because my first playthrough, my critique was similar to yours, Brody, is it's the same I had with Rescue Mission, with the first Astro Bot game.

One second.

It's the same critique I had with the first Astro Bot game, that like I love all of the innovative powers, I love all the ideas, but they maybe only get used for no more than four levels.

And I think that's in service of always having something new.

And the one thing I do with the power ups is that they always have something new if they do come back.

Like there's a power up that is just Cloud Mario from Mario Galaxy 2.

It is just Cloud Mario.

These guys are fans of video games, so they've referenced Grandmaster Galaxy.

They've referenced this stuff before.

And they made a power up.

So for reference, Nicco, it's like you jump and you can put up to three clouds beneath you to make a new platform and you stand immediately.

They take that and within one level, they take it from, well, now you have that to now it also can be affected by gusts of air, like spring air wells.

So you then start going up.

They then turn it into, well, now there's another type of liquid you can suck up with the elephant backpack.

So now you have bouncy goo instead of just a platform.

Later on, you get an ice skating sort of version of it, and you can pick and choose between them.

And they keep taking each power up and finding a way, if they bring it back, to do something like that.

And the one thing that I then want out of this game is I want them to put it all together for my platforming nerd.

Like, I want a level or levels that either combine power ups or you swap between power ups or I want the game's mechanics to start tying together in the way that like Mario Odyssey's now do, where you can build momentum and you can really break the game.

And I understand why this game is not that way.

I understand why his controls are super simple and they're the same they've been.

But I think going forward, that's the next step is to take that and build upon it so that platforming fans can really get into it.

That's not what this game needs to be, because most PlayStation players nowadays aren't that.

They're not the hardcore PS2 audience anymore.

They're accustomed to a linear game that's effectively a roller coaster.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And so, when I went through my second playthrough to get back to my thought there, I was thinking my first one, wow, like, this was mostly easy for me.

That wasn't a complaint, but it was, I acknowledged that, like, I went through it quickly.

The second one, I realized, oh, no, these levels are tricky.

It's just that I'm a platforming expert for lack of a better term.

And I saw the difficulty in the side challenges.

I appreciated that they're bite sized if they're challenges.

So they're, like, a minute long, but you're gonna die a lot to get through them.

Yeah.

There's one with lava and water that's-

That one took me so long.

I think I, like-

It's probably the hardest level in the game.

Third or fourth tried that one, I'm not gonna lie.

I texted Kevin.

Sorry.

I texted Kevin during that, I was like, is this meant to just be an ass?

Like, what's going on with this level?

Like, this one is just so much harder than every other level they throw in.

There are like random spikes on some of those challenge levels.

Nicco, what were you going to say?

I was going to say, you watch someone like me play the game, I guarantee you, you won't be saying it's super easy.

And that's the thing I appreciate is that, like I had told you, they designed this game explicitly with the mindset of we've had people tell us that Playroom was one of their kids' first games.

We know that this is going to be a child's first game.

So we're not going to make Mario Odyssey.

We're going to make, I don't want to call it Mario 64 because it's not, but we're going to make a game that is someone's first game that they will be able to come back to in a door.

And I think they pulled that off masterfully.

And so by the end of my second playthrough, like, I don't know where I'd put it, but this is like a top five collectathon, I think.

Like up there, I don't know if I would give a top five, but it's definitely up there.

because like, I think when you look at a lot of like, I look back at a lot of the 3D, I look back at a lot of 3D Mario games, and I'm like, these are all incredible games, but by virtue of almost redundancy, they get a bit less so.

Like, I think like Mario Galaxy and Mario Galaxy 2 can't both be there, you know?

And I don't even know that I consider them super collectathon-y, to be fair.

But they're closer to Astro though.

I think that Astro is better than both Mario Galaxy 1 and 2.

I'm not afraid to say that.

With hindsight?

No, I can't agree with that.

Well, so I think with hindsight, I said this about Rescue Mission.

With hindsight, I felt, when I first played Rescue Mission, rather, I felt that, this is the VR one, I felt the feeling that I know people felt with Mario Galaxy, which made me appreciate Galaxy more when I first played Rescue Mission, because I got it.

It's not like it's the same style of game, and Rescue Mission doesn't reinvent the genre like Mario 64 invented the genre.

It just does what Galaxy does in that it's a really good-ass game, it's a really great-ass game that changes how you see platformers going forward.

And I think that this game, if you haven't played Rescue Mission, it also does that.

Like, you're going to play this game and you're going to think, man, I want all platformers to have a constant barrage of super cool new things going forward.

I don't just want another 3D Mario.

I think back at Odyssey, having played Rescue Mission, and I loved Odyssey, but I think about how Rescue Mission.

I don't want to say it respects your time more, but it kind of does.

Like, it's a shorter game.

It's like, you know, 10, 12 hours, 15, if you're not super experienced.

Is Rescue Mission a Mario game or an Astro?

It's the VR Astro.

That's the first.

Which to that point, like, as a VR game, it almost has to be shorter because you can only.

No, no, I'm sorry.

I'm talking about I'm talking about this game now.

So the VR one was shorter as well because it was only 40 bucks.

I'm talking about the new Astro Bot game.

It's only 10, 12, maybe 15 to 20 hours if you're not super into platformers.

But if you're if you're a diehard, you're going to get through it in like 10, 12 hours.

I think I did it in like 11.

And that's because I was recording.

And I took a lot of time, but I think it's because I was honestly, I was giving myself the E3 pan like constant.

And I did that on my second playthrough and there's so much shit I noticed.

There's every every little robot is interactable.

Like there's a there's a custom, not in the overworld.

I'm talking like there's a cow in the tree level.

You can both ride the cow and you can sleep next to him.

And not only that, like everything is interesting, like the plants take that rift apart.

Well, like every single thing has something to it where you hit it.

And it comes to life.

Like it's kind of like, you know, ADHD, the game.

But I don't think it's that.

I think it's just a super overdesigned game.

And I mean that as a compliment.

I don't think I'm the first one to say that.

But but to close out my thoughts, like a lot of the like like Justin, you said that you think it's better than than Galaxy.

So I want to get to you on that because I want to hear your thoughts on that.

I think that that the more I think of Rescue Mission, the more I think this game is 10 to 12 hours, maybe a little shorter once you've played it once before of pure fun.

And even on the second play through Wonder that doesn't have really any bad moments.

Like even the hard levels, I don't think they're bad.

I don't think there's a there's not a worst level in this game.

There's not a best level in this game.

They are all that quality and they're all bangers.

I've not seen a platformer or a collectathon that's done that before.

And I think back to my time with Odyssey where I did everything and I loved it.

And I'm now thinking about this.

And I'm like, you know, Odyssey was like a 40 something hour platformer.

This one is like right when you're like, I'm I'm OK with it being like finished soon.

Games like, OK, and then it ends.

And like, there's a there's a respect there that I think that Odyssey as a goal was not trying to have because it had a different goal in mind.

Of course.

Yeah.

So, Justin, go to give me your thoughts on the Galaxy Astro Bot thing you said, because that's going to it's going to be a hot take in the comments, I'm sure.

Speaking of which, I leave a comment if you hate JTAR 9 on the YouTube feed.

Leave a nice review and tell us you hate JTAR 9 in the body of the review.

But leave us five stars.

You can go to crubb.org for every version of the audio podcast.

youtube.com/acrobatficial, patreon.com/crubb for bonus content.

All the plugs out of the way.

Go ahead, Justin.

So Mario Galaxy and Mario Galaxy 2 are very similar games, but they do different things.

Right.

Mario Galaxy 1 is very focused on a central story and a central theme.

While Galaxy 2 is, let's take all the mechanics of Galaxy 1 and just make a straight up platformer out of it.

Yeah.

And they both do very, very different things.

But I think that personally Astro Bot does what the platforming in Mario Galaxy 1 and 2 do, but better, because it has the same spin because Mario has the same exact arms out spin that Astro has.

And Astro's worlds are not connected at all like Mario Galaxy's are.

But instead of playing the same level two or three times, or really four or five times in Galaxy's sense, where you're getting all the stars in one galaxy, you have one, maybe two goals in a level.

You're going and exploring all these worlds kind of like a Mario Odyssey world to find all the Astro bots and all the puzzle pieces and their own condensed, like cohesive experience in that one world.

And then you move on to the next one and you see something completely different and you experience something completely new.

And I love that it progresses instead of I'm here at Gusty Garden Galaxy for another hour because I had to find all three stars.

Or if you do move on, you know, you have to come back later if you're playing it.

Like the game is intended to be played at its functional end game core.

Exactly.

If you'd played Astro as a straight platformer, I think you'd be done with this game in like five hours.

Yeah, it's not.

That's not a long game.

But that's not how you're that's kind of not how you're supposed to play Astro.

You're kind of supposed to soak it in and look at it a little bit.

Well, and the scenery to the scenery, like just see that ledge over there.

Maybe you can get over there.

Maybe there's a hidden astro bot there.

Maybe there's a hidden puzzle piece there.

And to that point, the fact that they're little robots to rescue also helps that because, A, if you're a PlayStation fan, you do want to see the cameos.

Even if you're not, you probably still do, because you're like, what unique things are they going to do?

It's not a star, it's not an animate object, it's not a MacGuffin, it's a little person.

And it goes down to the attention of detail.

So I don't know if any of you noticed this, especially you, Brody, because Niko would notice this.

He played the game, clearly.

When there are robots left in the level, Astro's idle animation is him doing a little looking around to see where they are.

He won't relax and calm down and sit and play his PSP or his PS1 until you've caught everybody in the levels.

That's cool.

That is very good detail.

And that's a constant thing where the game's always encouraging you to find bots, also because you need them for the little hub world, because there's a little Metroidvania element almost, where you need them to progress, which is really cool.

Yeah, and the hidden bots that are lost, they make noise in the overworld.

So there'll be some times where I'm looking for them and I start hearing them cry out for help, but I'm like, where are they?

Where are they?

Yeah, and I think Astro's biggest strength of anything is its attention to detail, I think, more than anything.

And the way that the game is set up allows them to have that attention to detail where there is, you know, it's kind of a linear level.

There's a little bit of an offshoot if you're looking for a bot, but ultimately, like it's, and this is, I think, the thing that's keeping it, I would say personally, from being like a top five collectathon is as a straight up linear platformer, oh, it's fucking incredible.

As a collectathon, it's genuinely, it's too easy.

And that's fine.

It's good in the way that it does it because you're not a good criticism.

No, because here's the thing, I like to be, I mean, imagine, Nicco, if you went into Bloodborne and all the bosses died in one hit, right?

Like that would be too easy.

That's not really the same comparison, though.

That's not even the first.

Well, let me elaborate, let me elaborate.

So what I mean is all of the bots are either, they're on the main path or they're two seconds off of the main path.

And that's like, if I'm looking around, if I'm going through the level and I'm looking at the scenery and I go, oh, hey, there's a bot there.

Cool.

I get to go over and do that and grab that.

Cool.

Awesome.

I love that.

However, where a game like Mario Odyssey comes into play as more, as something that's a little more my speed is I'm looking around the whole level and I'm trying to say, okay, well, what corners are they behind that I might not be thinking about or like how?

So now, here's, you know, it has a different purpose in mind.

We just got done talking about that, you know, like it's not necessarily for.

And so I would ask you to do the thought exercise of like, if you do take a step back from your personal preferences and you say, okay, like in terms of accomplishing what this game is setting out to do, does that change your thought process there at any point?

It doesn't, because what I was going to say to Justin's sort of, to what he said about Galaxy is, I think everything that he said about those games is true.

And given what he said that he thinks he's looking for in those in that kind of experience, it makes sense to me why he holds Astro above Galaxy.

Well, what I'm looking for is not necessarily that.

And that's why it doesn't hit.

I can't, never will I even attempt to think of things in any kind of objective sense.

It's all gonna be filtered through what I think personally.

I love Astro Bot.

I think it's honestly, unless something comes out of nowhere, like unless Echoes of Wisdom is like an absolute firebanger, like Astro is Game of the Year.

And I think that that's totally clear.

But like Odyssey, another thing that Odyssey has, right, is Astro is simplistic in moveset.

And that is, of course, like you said, Nicco, that is on purpose.

It is supposed to be that way.

It is designed to be that way.

It is designed around being that way.

And as such, it is good because it is that way.

However, I like in Odyssey doing the crazy, you know, roll into a long jump into a headspin, into a bump.

To bounce off of that, like I, I do think that I want to throw out for anyone who's questioning why we're going right to Mario with comparisons.

Astro Bot's that good.

Like, I know it's easy to go to the Mario comparison with any good platformer.

I don't make those comparisons lightly like you never have.

You need to make an incredible experience to compare to a Mario game and to stand up and to argue that as a Mario-like platformer or collectathon, you are that good, that you are in that crowd.

And I couldn't let Brody, I just couldn't simply let Brody get away with saying, make games harder without giving him a little challenge because I think it's.

I'm not saying make games harder.

I'm saying that there's there's there is a purpose for having both and there's one that I like better.

And so I'm, you know, as as many people who've played this game, as Kevin has experienced, I am the main character.

And I think things should be more attuned to what I want.

I'm here.

And to that point, there is the only one allowed to have a double standard.

To that point, the director did say, because for those that maybe aren't aware on the corrupt side, I did do an interview with the director.

I was I was fortunate enough to Sony asked me if I wanted to do one.

And I was like, yeah, sure.

And I didn't fully confirm, but I have I'm pretty confident that it is canon that the robots have sex inside the controller.

And that's why HD Rumble exists.

They didn't say no.

So anyway, have to.

It's the only way.

Yeah, I didn't say no.

Yeah.

It just doesn't make sense any other way.

So two things.

One, let me say on HD Rumble, this is the game that proves why the PS5 controller exists the way that it is, because it is ASMR on your hands at all times.

In addition to being fun, it is it is a haptic, a tactile masterpiece that even comes down to every game should have a little bit of rumble when you're walking.

I don't care.

Every going forward, every single one.

I don't care that the controllers have a four hour battery life to some people.

Like, I don't care.

Anyway, I think and the triggers too.

Like, I feel like any time I push a trigger down, for the most part, there should be something there.

Yeah, they have it.

Just do it.

Yeah.

And Astro is the game that does that.

Like, that's also what makes Astro the closest to a Mario-type game, in that it is a hardware proof.

It is a game that uses every bit of the hardware in a way that is both unnoticeable, and you are...

it's so masterful that you are in awe of how good it is.

And if you played Playroom, you know how that is.

I want this dev to make every game.

It's not even like...

I'm not being hyperbolic with that.

After playing this game, I'm like, I want them to make every game.

And I know they can do it.

And so what I was saying about talking to the director, they had done multiple interviews about this because the director is like very much a person that seems to want actual feedback and wants to be able to talk with people about the games.

Like, it seemed like he wants to set these up because he did them as far back as the VR game.

And he had mentioned, as we already knew, there is DLC, and I asked him about what the free DLC is going to do.

He had mentioned, like, there's at least 15 challenge levels.

There are also speed run challenges that you go through prior levels with some modifiers, and they're, like, you know, timed, and that they'll change what ability you might have or there are shortcuts now.

That sort of thing is what we wanted.

And they did the Sony thing that every Sony first party game does of taking that out of the main game to make it a free update a few months later so that it's not part of the Platinum Trophy, so that the regular PlayStation audience doesn't see it and get discouraged because it's so hard, by comparison, or whatever it might be.

I want them to be discouraged, but that's okay.

But it's there.

Selfishly.

It's there for the people that want to come back to it.

It's like a few months later.

Okay, perfect.

It's a good cause for a second playthrough.

It's a good cause to keep the game in your mind.

Anyway, to close out my thoughts on the Mario comparison, the fact that it's this close is incredible.

The fact that Galaxy is not exactly a collectathon.

It is, but it's not in the same sense.

It's a weird hybrid game because of the way the worlds are designed, because of it being a more linear version of a Mario collectathon than 64 or especially Sunshine and Odyssey.

Well, my favorite levels in Galaxy are the Purple Coin postgame.

Yeah, and that's exactly what Astro Bot is primed for with the DLC.

I think for what it is, those games, A, tended to go longer than Astro.

So Astro goes and it's good and it ends and I'm like, perfect.

I do want more, but I'm not disappointed with any moment that we had.

There is no bloat by virtue of them just cutting it.

And I think I was going to say, the reason I say it might be a top five collectathon is that there's not really many collectathons.

Like there's 64 Sunshine Odyssey, Banjo-Kazooie, not even really Banjo-Tooie and a couple indie games here and there that usually are debatable whether they count.

That's what I was saying.

I was like, top five is like very seems very reasonable for a game that you guys are gushing so much over.

I could list so many, but I'm not going to it.

So, yeah, and Brody and also Spyro, I'm sorry, Spyro was there as well.

Jack is 10 million.

I would even call Crash one if you're going for 100 percent.

But yeah, I don't consider Crash one at all.

Like Brody's, it has collectible elements, but that's like Bratchet and Clank's not a shooter, but it has shooter elements.

You know, anyway, could you play it at a funeral, though?

Could you play Astro Bot at a funeral?

I think if you played Astro Bot at a funeral, it would make everyone happy.

Yeah.

Well, so I wanted to say, Kevin, to what you said about the tech demo PS5 thing is, now that I've beaten it, I've been watching my wife play through the game, and she played through Astro's Playroom, the free pack-in title, and that was her first Platinum trophy, and she loved that game.

So now she's going through this one, and she loves it.

And one of the cool things, like you said, oh, your second playthrough, you notice more.

I love watching her play because I'm not focused on Astro.

I'm now focused on the background.

Yeah.

Right.

And then also there was a moment, even though she played Astro's Playroom, there was a moment where she was playing the new one, where she was doing the gotcha thing and trying to figure out like what buttons to press to pull the lever and then push the thing.

And she pulled the lever, got the orb in her hand on the right hand, and then tried pulling the lever again with the left, and it stuck.

And she was like, oh my God, there's different resistances for different things you do.

She was never advertised that that's what the DualSense can do.

It just happened to her and it blew her mind.

And I'm like, yeah, it's incredible.

I love that this happened at a funeral.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, it happened at a funeral.

She just weeds into you like, yo, did you know?

Did you know that there's shakers?

She was playing on her PlayStation portal.

To the point where you just see the priest, you just see the priest looking at you with disgust.

To the point of playing games at a funeral to make you happy.

I like I think every time I've played Astro Bot, the rest of my day has been more fun.

Which is not a thing I like.

Like that's a very rare error for like like Breath of the Wild.

Tears of the Kingdom did that for me when I was a kid.

Games did that for me more as an adult.

There are very few games that when I play them without fail, I'm just happier for the it's like it's a little bit of therapy.

Yeah.

And like the fact that there's just a game that's just that much.

Joy was the word that everyone came to organically.

But that is what it is.

It is joy.

And I think playing jolly.

And I'm like, that's too many letters playing the Astro Bot at a funeral for pure joy.

I don't think anyone would fault you for that.

I think that they would say, oh, let me play Astro Bot.

And they would play Astro Bot.

And then they would have fun.

And they'd be like, you know what?

I don't care that he's dead.

Worst, worst game to play at a funeral.

Got to be like a life is strange, doesn't it?

Maybe.

I think like a story game is kind of like I would think like a like obviously, let's put aside the honey pops.

Let's put aside the honey pops of the world.

Yeah, obviously, it's going to be like Shower With Your Dad Simulator.

It's like the worst.

Shower With Your Dad Simulator.

I was just about to say Shower With Your Dad Simulator.

It's definitely Tetris Effect in VR.

Oh, Tetris Effect.

But no, no, because.

But like, you dress up as the conductor at the funeral.

Yeah.

So just the element of having the VR headset on and then someone turns around in the church pews and you're just sitting there with.

Like, how did you sneak that into the funeral?

Can you imagine just being at a funeral with, like, a freaking, like, you're just sitting there at your funeral like this?

For the visual learners, I don't have for the audio listeners, I don't have a VR headset.

So I've put a notebook in my headphones to simulize a VR headset.

And you're just at a funeral like, where is he?

I'm going to throw out their game to play at the funeral on DJ Hero.

Yes.

Get the whole set up with the DJ turntable.

That's funny.

You're playing DJ Hero at the funeral.

That's fun.

You get like the Jay-Z and Eminem Renegade edition.

And then you get the one with the big box that you just stick right in the middle of the pew.

You just sit in there.

The very same.

And you're just like.

Oh, man, that's so Kevin's in his funeral outfit right now.

He's wearing his PSVR 2 headset.

This is PSVR 1.

Thank you very much.

It's PSVR 1.

Yeah.

And because he has no one's buying the PSVR 2.

Honestly, I thought I thought higher of you when I thought it was a PSVR 2 because I buy that status symbol.

Oh, God, the status symbol.

Kevin's playing Rescue Mission right now, like Chris was playing Concord last week.

Right.

True.

Concord on the podcast?

Yeah, because he had to get the flat.

Yeah, he didn't because he because he ended up getting logged out.

Yeah.

Well, he like because they log people out.

No, as the game crashed as an update, the game crashed.

So he lost access to it because Valve refunded everybody and pulled the game prior to prior prior to the day that the game went down.

So he didn't get the platinum.

Allegedly, sixty nine people got it.

Nice.

Chris was level sixty eight.

I will say, as far as playing Concord or as I'm doing, Astro Bot Rescue Mission VR.

Fun fact, you can play that game one handed.

So that's pretty cool.

I would play I would play Astro Bot VR one handed at a funeral.

Yeah, right.

because then you could shake hands with people with your other.

Yeah, yeah, that's why.

But imagine you're like part of the funeral and you have to like stand up front and like you're just there in the VR headset and people are just like coming up like, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

And you're just like, yep, thank you.

Thank you.

And you're just shaking away, mom.

I'm playing Astro Bot.

I'm playing Tetris Effect.

Don't you see my outfit?

And you're like conducting with your hands.

Don't you see my outfit?

This feels like a Tim Robinson sketch.

Justin, do you want to explain that story?

No.

We should explain that story.

No, we don't.

The Tetris Effect story.

Let them.

Oh, yeah.

No, we have to explain it.

We don't have to explain anything.

Yes, we do.

Justin, do you want to?

No, we don't.

The more you protest, the more we want it.

You should carry the story.

You should lead it.

The more that we want it, not the audience, you two.

You should lead with the story so that you can tell your version of the events and then we'll tell our response.

It's one of the funniest things you've ever said.

Is it?

I didn't think it was that.

It was hilarious.

It was really.

Yeah.

OK.

So I was playing Tetris Effect.

And then I was like, man, I really suck at Tetris Effect.

So I went online and looked at other people playing Tetris Effect.

And I was like, man, I really like that.

The music in the game is responsive to the game that you're playing.

So I was like.

Would theoretically each person have their own performance of the music in the game from how they play Tetris?

And so I was like, well, what if you did a concert where if someone played Tetris Effect, you had a unique playthrough of Tetris Effect, and then you had someone on the stage pretending to be the conductor.

So the way Justin suggested it was...

Niko, do you want to explain?

Yeah.

So Justin...

Does that revert to everything at this point?

So we don't have like this context of Justin having this like...

We had no context of anything when Justin came and told us about this.

Yeah, I just I gave them like Z.

Like, here's what I really get.

I didn't give them A through Y.

I gave them Z and just said, what about this?

Justin just goes, he come, he like, he was, we're in the Discord call, and he just goes, yeah, you know, I just, I really, really love the Tetris Effect.

And he was being very sincere about his love for the Tetris Effect.

When he came in, he goes, yeah, the Tetris Effect.

You sound like my dad saying the target.

Is it not the Tetris Effect?

It's just Tetris Effect.

It's just Tetris Effect.

The Tetris Effect is actually a thing.

That is a thing.

It's when you play too much Tetris and you see you see like Tetris blocks and that's how you see.

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

I get that.

That's the that's the scientific name of it.

Yeah.

Anyway, that's the scientific name for it.

Anyway, the actual game is called Tetris Effect.

The point being the point being that when Justin said it to us, he goes, yeah, I just want to like do a stream where I like am silent the whole time and I dress up as a conductor and I just conduct the game of Tetris Effect.

And it was just the we just started.

Let me let me jump further.

Oh, yeah.

And then they got it.

It was also they popped when I said in the middle up to an intermission.

An intermission.

That's right.

because he was like, yeah, that's like, that's what I came into.

And I was like, yeah, my god.

Like straight up.

I think it'd be cool to do a stream where I dress up like a conductor and I do a concert of Tetris Effect, like the whole game.

And I do like an intermission and everything.

And like we were all sitting there quietly like we can't let this.

I guess this is before he's like, you know, like doing streaming consistently.

This is way before Crub.

Yeah.

And so he's he's being really sincere.

We're like, how do we let him down easy?

Like all of us are thinking this at the same time.

How do we let this young man down?

I think he should still do it.

And I mean, maybe I will do it.

And then he said the intermission.

And I think I think I don't know that I broke the silence after laughing, but I think one of us said it might have been that is the worst idea I think I've ever heard.

No, no, no.

What you guys said was that's the immediate way to get on like live stream fails, like r slash live stream fails.

Yeah.

That wasn't me.

I don't think that.

Or like r slash cringe or something like that.

We started clowning you immediately.

Actually, that r slash cringe, that sounds like me.

That sounds like something I would have said.

I was on r slash cringe around that time.

That was when that was the peak of comedy.

Like we all we all held the try and be try and be polite until until you set the intermission.

Then we just cracked because it was the idea of a man because you weren't going to say anything.

Also, there was the element of I'm just going to sit down, play it like I'm conducting a thing.

Intermission.

No words.

Just the text on the screen.

Yeah, just the ideas, just the game.

I had just started my I had just started my I don't understand streaming because some people just let dead air happen in their streams era.

And I was like, what?

I was like, who would watch this?

I was like, what kind of person?

because now you would 100 percent be there for it.

No, I would not.

Well, no, because you talking.

Well, the thing is, you have to see it now.

You'd have to see the train of action.

I'd watch clips.

I'll watch the clips.

God.

So anyway, enjoy the Tetris Effect Conductor Stream that Justin one day does.

We will.

It will happen now.

I want to see him go to the intermission.

And then the viewer count just goes up like just skyrocket.

Yeah, the viewers, everyone just comes in during intermission.

Look, it's going to do it.

We get everyone to raid during that time.

We're going to do it for charity or something at some point where you're going to have to just sit there.

And it's going to be a bit like rent a tux.

You have to rent a tux, stupid bow tie, the fluffy frilly white gloves, the frilly.

The shirt.

Yeah.

Justin's going to make sure the gloves only fit for that show and then not afterwards.

Yeah.

Can you wear a bolo tie?

We give them a bolo tie.

That wouldn't be right.

It's got to be a black bow tie.

That'd be funnier, though.

You had a bolo tie.

Think about it, one of those white.

No pants.

Why would I wear pants?

Yeah.

Right.

Tidy whitey.

No AC.

So you're just sweating.

No way.

Sweating through the shirt.

Oh, my God.

All right.

All right.

For every for every comment we get on this video, we'll add one worse thing for Justin.

The we're going to add some microwave tuna to the room every time that you mess up.

I hate he already did that, though.

He already did.

Yeah, he did microwave tuna on stream the one time.

It was.

Yeah, I hate fish.

That's why it's weird why you did it then.

Why did you microwave tuna?

Dude, he didn't look at this guy.

He hates fish and then goes to Japan and then streams for three hours about the food he had.

That wasn't fish.

None of it was fish.

So, so where's games to play at a funeral?

Tetris Effect in VR would be a good one.

Yeah, it's pretty good one.

I.

Who's dead?

Who are we deciding that's dead for this?

because there's a broad set of answers.

That's a good.

Let's say what a close family member or a mid close family member or someone you don't even know.

The secretary funeral at your work, like you show on those funeral.

You show Jack Box at a pure rando funeral and you are playing a video game.

And everyone assumes you're there with your head down because you're, you know, in mourning and sad.

And then someone's like, wait, who is that?

Is that a work friend?

Who is that?

And you, they look at you and you are playing what?

It's such a Tim Robinson sketch.

You walk up to like the mother of the person that's died at the funeral and you're like, yo, do you have your 3DS for Street Pass?

Let me let me take this home Adachi.

So we didn't say video game.

Let me take this further.

You walk into the funeral, you walk up to the widow.

You pull up your arm and you've got a you've got a duel, a Yu-Gi-Oh!

duel arm.

No, or else or else her dead partner gets sent to the shadow realm.

The shadow realm.

Yeah, that.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

You kick the door open and you are like, I'm challenging you to a duel.

I love the idea of just a physical prop, right?

But like my other my other idea was Jackbox.

Like I said, like trying to get people to play a game of Jackbox at a funeral.

And you have to be like, hey, I want to play some quick flash.

What if what if it's like a flash?

What if it's like a dead by daylight or a phasmophobia and you're streaming?

Oh, my God.

Like I'm picturing like they have a quiet.

I'm picturing they have like a projector.

The guy's really dead.

They have a projector up that's like showing like pictures of the guy's life and it's, you know, it's playing like sad music.

And then it just like glitches out and like tunes in to your jackbox game and you're playing the shirt game.

I we're playing some TKO.

Yeah, I also want to throw out.

We need this right now, guys.

Sorry.

I want to throw out for the record that we planned this episode and I had suggested because they were talking about like, let's talk about Astro Bot and good gameplay.

I had suggested we can just title the video Astro Bot and not elaborate.

So I'm hoping Chris doesn't have to do this when he titles the video and it'll probably change.

But I'm hoping the video is titled Astro Bot and the video and the audio podcast is listed that way so that people come in and hear.

Oh, but what is the worst?

See, that's the value you get here at Crub.

It's, as I said, you get something that you did not click on.

Weekly dose of controlled chaos in podcast form here.

I think we live up to that.

I don't know.

I'm immediately thinking like you're at a funeral and you're trying to play like Bakugan.

Taiko Drum Master.

I don't know, the game's got all these huge props.

Really impressive that you know the Japanese name, Justin.

You're just at the back of the room like squatting.

You're playing jacks, like you're bouncing the ball.

I like, dude, there's so for the audio listeners, Justin was just doing the Taiko Drum Master, like banging on the drum.

Which made me think Donkey Konga.

Donkey Konga would be fire.

No, no, no.

At the funeral.

And you're just like, do ba do do ba do.

Or DDR.

You pull out the map.

No, no, no.

And you're just in the corner and you're stepping.

Donkey Kong Jungle Beat, because that game, you have to start clapping every time you want to clap.

That game, to go full circle, is the direct predecessor to Mario Galaxy.

That team went on to make Galaxy.

A lot of things came across over.

The direct predecessor to Astro Bot.

And I was going to be like, what?

Technically, it kind of is.

Yeah, in a way.

Astro Bot is just VR Mario Galaxy.

Like it goes croc, Mario 64, Donkey Konga, Mario Galaxy, Astro Bot.

Yeah, that's that's like how Roman Reigns and The Rock are related.

Like, it's not real, but it is, you know.

What's the name of the guy?

You play some Seaman at a funeral.

Sean Mann.

Just talk to Leonard Nimoy at the funeral.

What if it's at Leonard Nimoy's funeral?

because he's already dead.

Like, what if you went back in time to go to his funeral?

And you like and you left Sean Mann.

You know how like people leave flowers out?

You're like someone's like walk of fame star.

Yeah.

But a copy of Seaman.

Seaman.

Imagine.

I would be like if I died and someone did that, I would be happy.

Yeah.

Like that would that's exactly it.

Can you imagine the copies of of Horizon Zero Dawn on Lance Reddick's grave?

Oh, Abby.

Oh, man.

That was a lot less funny, which makes it morbidly funny.

Right.

Exactly.

That's that's the that was the point.

We love we love Lance Reddick here.

Yeah.

Rest in peace.

Rest in peace to everyone that's ever died.

Rest in peace.

Yo, shout out to James Earl Jones, by the way.

Shout out to James Earl Jones, I guess.

And yet William Shatner's still alive.

So for those that maybe didn't listen to that episode, we had 2024 Predictions one and Niko predicted that William Shatner would die.

Yeah, he was next up.

He's a dude.

He must be friends with must be friends with death.

Yeah.

Nice of him.

I did tell.

What did I say?

Oh, there was a really sad thing I saw.

This is related to funerals where it was someone someone I know posted in the Internet space.

Someone I know posted, and I'm saying this because Barley is currently trying to get up his.

So he reminded me someone posted that a pet had passed away.

And so I saw that and obviously Barley go away.

We're not friends.

Go.

We don't don't cut that.

We I posted my condolences because it's horrible when a pet passes away.

I then saw like I scrolled.

I didn't mean to, but I scrolled out of habit and I saw someone post a gif of like a sad cowboy, like taking off his hat.

It's like it's like a stock stock gif of a cowboy hat taking it and just like looking down sad with like a rest in peace on it.

And it was meant sincerely, but it looked like a shitpost.

And so I sent that to Chris and I was like, look, I don't want to be mean to anybody.

I'm not trying to dunk on anybody.

Well, what?

And then I said to Chris that when Barley dies, I want him to send me that gif.

Yeah, because I'm going to remember and it's going to have come full circle.

So when I am heartbroken that my boy leaves me, I'm going to laugh, which would be great.

Or I'm going to be just as upset as I already was.

It's not going to make me more upset than I was.

If I don't remember that, I'll just be like, that's kind of weird.

The sad cowboy.

That's so funny.

Oh, my God.

And then as I sent that, Barley farted.

So he deserved it.

Yeah, he deserved it.

Good boy, Puck.

Last time I was at Kevin's place, that dog farted on me for like a full day.

Oh, he was showing dominance so hard.

Yeah, because he kept wanting to sit on my lap and then he would just start farting immediately.

And I'm like, yeah, he had excited farts.

He was very excited to have friend over for extended periods of time.

I mean, as he should be.

Yeah, isn't it?

Yeah, man.

Wow.

Well, gaming at a funeral, who would have thought gaming at a funeral of my next YouTube channel?

Oh, my God, that's like one of my friends had the idea for a YouTube channel called Boobs in the Thumbnail.

And that is literally the name of the channel.

And it's just boobs in the thumbnail.

And he was like, yeah, I could probably just make the content about literally anything, but I would just put boobs in the thumbnail and red circle them.

And I was like, that's really funny.

I just like the idea of gaming at a funeral, because I would be very adamant about THQ's 2018 promise to bring back a lot of it's small franchises.

Right.

I definitely played a lot of video games at funerals when I was a kid.

Did you?

That kind of makes sense.

Like if you're like young, young and you're not like you're there.

But yeah, I was like maybe the oldest I was was like 10, because that's how iPad kids would be now.

They'd be playing.

True.

They'd be playing Candy Crush at a funeral.

I don't think any children would play Candy Crush.

I definitely would not have been allowed to play a game.

They're playing Sonic Force's Speed Battle at a funeral.

They played that Choo Choo Rocket Apple Arcade game.

Oh, my God.

They're playing Sonic Dash at a funeral.

I remember I remember very vividly when I was like, I don't remember how old I must have been at the time, but I had my PSP at the funeral and I was playing like MLB The Show 2007 or something like that.

Nice.

I was hoping you were going to say the prep of the rapper PSP board.

I wish I had those when I was younger.

I wasn't cool.

I wasn't cool when I was younger.

I had a lot of sports games and I had Assassin's Creed.

That's the only Assassin's Creed on the PSP.

That's right.

They made what they made one.

I think they made a one and a two one, didn't they?

Good.

Yeah, just kind of real for that, though, because I was good to get it right.

I had it was a bomb ass series.

Yeah, so good.

I'd like them to bring those back.

That'd be a good.

They're bringing back backyard baseball and backyard sports.

And yes, yes, they are also looks so good.

They're also bringing back go karting into the NBA 2K games.

Yes.

Why did they do that?

It looks so bad.

It looks so bad.

So they have this in game currency that you can that you need to like level up your My Pro or whatever in NBA 2K.

And one of the ways you can win VC is by winning a go kart mini game in the park in NBA 2K.

And I'm just saying it looks awful.

We need your character.

We need your character, Justin, riding those riding one of those carts because your character, Justin, I've never seen a video game character that was so sincere in attempt to recreate someone's own face, but such a failure in the same sense.

Are you talking about which one you talk?

Which game?

The one that looks like Stephen Curry.

He looks like Stephen Curry.

Oh, yeah.

And he's and he's just his name is Justin.

His name is Mononymous Justin.

I think I think I did like a face scan.

I have to ask.

I'm trying to face scan.

I have to ask, like, he was like a white Stephen Curry, right?

Yes.

Yes.

OK, because you said he looks like Stephen Curry and I'm like, but the skin tone was like a little darker.

He looked it was darker.

Yeah, it was like logic skin tone, basically.

OK.

OK.

I don't know.

Like, so I did.

That's fine.

I think in like 2K 15 or 16 or something, I think like 2K 15 or 16 or something like that, I tried to do a face scan of my own face into the NBA.

And I had I still have the picture on my phone of it.

I looked this way, took my face and just took the picture of my face and just like he said it onto the 2K.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So like my face is just like smudged onto a guy's face.

Yeah.

Which is what they did.

They do.

2K did that all the time, because remember when we made Miroslav Satan in WWE 2K 16?

Yes.

We didn't try and make him look like Miroslav Satan, but just play.

We just plastered the face on the same professional hockey player for anyone.

Professional hockey player.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sorry.

He was in the tag team with Satan.

The actual devil, because his last name is Satan.

Speaking of NBA 2K, I do want to jump to our Patreon question of the week.

This is our Krubscriber slash Patreon question of the week, I should say.

If you want to ask us questions, you can go to any of our platforms, whether it's the Twitch or the YouTube or patreon.com/krubs.

And you can support using the join button or the subscribes on Twitch or for as little as two dollars a month.

There's a tier of Patreon just for asking us questions that we answer either on air in one of these segments or in a proper Q&A episode that we haven't had to do yet because we have not been overloaded with questions yet, but you want to be.

You can pass a couple bucks.

You can fill a quarter at Brody.

That's fundamentally what you're doing is throwing one quarter a month at Brody.

And we split it into pennies so that it hurts.

And it means more to him because it's an American quarter.

Yeah, that's true.

So it's more change being thrown at him when I get enough of them.

Maybe I'll be able to get a PS five pro.

Like, you know how Astro Bot has a bunch of those like the apples and fruits that fall on you and it's like the really cool physics stuff.

That's what happens to Brody every month.

We just we just drop change on his head.

And they drop it from like the height of the CN tower.

So it does reach terminal velocity.

It does hurt a little like it's not going to kill him.

And it's going to spread everywhere.

So he has to go and pick them up manually.

Like he has to go and grab each individual Canadian penny, whatever those are called.

Are those pennies?

We we do also circle.

We don't have pennies.

Oh, you only have the Canadian nickel because you guys round up to five cents.

That's right.

Yeah.

We do also encircle him and chant coin boy, coin boy, coin boy, as he's picking them up.

Yeah, we still do pay him in pennies, though, even though we just like have a stash of Canadian pennies from before they got wiped out of the system.

If you're wondering why Astro wasn't one of my top five collectathons, it's because of this.

I have PTSD from getting coins thrown at me.

It's a little too close to home.

So our Cribbscriber Question of the Week again, as little as a quarter a month to throw at Brody.

You can join that patreon.com/go up.

This one is from Chef Kilo and Chef Kilo asks, Who would win in a basketball match a full team of xenomorphs with them not allowed to kill or the 1992 Chicago Bulls?

Oh my god, what a great question.

So, look, I'm not gonna lie, I'm not gonna lie, I think the only person more powerful than the xenomorphs is Rodman.

I don't know that Jordan's got anything on him.

Was he on the 92 team?

I don't think he was there yet.

He was on the bad boy.

I don't think he was on the bad boy.

Rodman, Jordan and Pippin.

No, no, but he was on-

I think that's later.

He was on-

But who's the third?

No, no, but it was just like it wasn't all three of them the entire six, eight seasons.

No, it wasn't because Rodman was the one that like Rodman's team was the one that stopped Jordan in the prior years before 92.

Interest.

OK, I thought they were like-

Rodman didn't join the Bulls until 1995.

So, the year that Jordan was gone.

Yeah, yeah, gotcha.

I thought the 92 Bulls were the the trio Rodman.

No, it was it was pretty much just it was it was Jordan and Pippen and other players for the first the first trio, the first three.

OK, well, then in this case, I think the Xenomorphs would still win, but by a slimmer margin.

Justin, how tall is the Xenomorph?

Yeah, let me see how it goes, you know, more for us.

That's a good question.

Bring that up.

Hi, Justin.

Bring it up.

The Xenomorphs are between seven and eight feet.

Like you have you have a team of five Wemby's.

And they're not allowed to kill, but they can use that tail or the second, as I say, the tail is getting in the way.

Is it though?

Yeah, they have really good coordination.

They do.

Are they allowed to dribble with the tail?

I'm talking about I'm not talking about getting in the way of the Xenomorph.

I'm saying that's getting in the way of the bulls.

Oh, true, because you'd have a lot more gravity if you're playing.

Exactly.

So he'll definitely gets in the way.

So they definitely can't like they'd also be in foul trouble.

A lot is the problem.

So but you also have 15 players on an NBA team.

If you're talking like the whole squad.

So it's a squad full of Xenomorphs.

So you have 15 Xenomorphs.

You can empty that bench.

It doesn't matter that they're going to get a bunch of free throws when you go into the bonus.

You know, do we got do we got the Queen of Morph on the starting five or is she like not on the team?

No, I think this is just normal.

Normal Xenomorphs.

I've seen them all.

I've seen Romulus and I can't I have a thought, but I can't share it because it's kind of a spoiler.

Valid.

But knowing that the Xenomorphs are a species that exists that just take the properties of whatever it is they're infecting.

If they infect Wemby, what if the Xenomorphs are who killed Michael Jordan's dad?

OK.

because if because if if Michael Jordan's dad was killed by a chest burster, then it's going to be a Michael Jordan Xenomorph.

It's going to be an offspring of Michael Jordan's dad.

It's going to be his brother.

Right.

Technically Michael Jordan's brother.

So you're going to have a you're going to have a Xenomorph who can dunk from the free throw line, which it probably already could, because it's really tall.

Yeah, it's already long enough to do that.

I wasn't ready to consider Michael Xenordin.

Brody, can you dunk from the free throw line?

No.

Why not?

Yeah, what's wrong with you?

Look at me.

I'm a PS5.

That's true.

That's true.

He doesn't even have enough games to reach the free throw line.

Perhaps you should train for it.

I'm OK.

I'm thinking this.

No matter what, people still argue that Michael Jordan is the best of all time, even though stats say that other players are better.

So therefore, Michael Jordan is better than the Xenomorphs, which means.

92 Bulls got it.

I don't know, though.

Like, so if we're arguing, do the Xenomorphs know how to play basketball?

because that's the operative question.

If we're just taking a team full of Xenomorphs and telling them to play, but they're not allowed to kill.

So that means that they do have because they're the perfect organism.

That is the canonical thing about the Xenomorphs, is they are the perfect creature.

So they're not allowed to kill, but they could they could spit acid on the ball.

And like, so when Michael Jordan touches it, it's not going to kill him.

And it's not going to be a foul because they might not notice that.

Like, that's just sweat.

But I feel like the ball will just start breaking down and you just stop playing basketball at a certain point.

Yeah, but if it hits his hand, he's not going to be able to dribble with that hand anymore.

He's going to have to go with his left.

And Michael Jordan struggles from his left, historically, as people have joked.

I hate to say it.

But Bro dropped like 40 something with the flu.

So what's what's losing a hand to him?

Yeah, but but but if you're talking about a xenomorph closing out, he's not getting over a xenomorph.

Oh, he's getting over.

I've seen him in Space Jam.

You got to stretch your arm.

Do you think this is the 92 ball?

Space Jam didn't happen.

Not yet.

I was going to ask like if one team or the other would have an advantage if they were able to get their hands on Michael's secret stuff.

This is also one game.

It's not a best of seven.

Like any given day.

Well, here's the other question.

How would the referees factor into this?

Whose side are they on?

because one would be a xenomorph.

OK, right, right.

Does the little mouth have a rupture?

Yes.

OK, the mouth inside the mouth.

The mouth.

And also, I would argue that the head also has like stripes painted on it.

OK.

I, I, I feel like presumably.

The xenomorphs, if they know they're not allowed to kill, they are hyper intelligent creatures.

If they're told to play a basketball match and they're taught the rules of basketball, they'll pick it up.

They're going to pick it up.

They're going to win.

I mean, it is.

It's the perfect or like I hate to say.

And like as much as we want to sit here and try and mental gymnastics our way into the the clearly more interesting answer of the Chicago Bulls.

Unfortunately, the xenomorph is just too perfect.

Like, you know, I just I like Michael Jordan.

I only just got over the hump in 92.

Yeah, he finally had a squad capable, but that wasn't the best iteration of the bulls.

I would say like 90, the 95, 96 bulls, 96, 96, 96 bulls.

because that was the year they went 72 and 10.

Right.

Or is that 97?

You know, 96 or 97.

Yeah.

Whichever year that was, that is the best iteration of the bulls.

And if you have Steve Kerr, you know, catching and shooting, then there's a chance that like well, because the 92 bulls aren't playing modern basketball either.

Like they're playing a lot different.

They're playing slam jam basketball.

And you're going to have an eight foot tall xenomorph in the paint.

Like, right.

I don't.

Like Shaq was dominant and Shaq isn't a xenomorph.

Yeah.

Like how much how much does a xenomorph weigh, Justin?

Not much, because they're very, you know, because they might be dense, you know.

True.

Like my question is, if like you've said, oh, no, never mind.

They're 400 to 600 pounds.

OK, so Shaq's not bullying them either, even if you put Shaq on the 92 bulls.

You know, bro, what were you gonna say?

I'm sorry.

So you said that the xenomorphs take on the properties of those they infect, which is ostensibly the exact plot of Space Jam.

So like if they were to take the the abilities of the specific five basketball players that were taking the abilities of in Space Jam, which is like what Larry Bird, Charles Barkley, Patrick Ewing.

If you said the dream team, if you said the 92 dream team, I think that's a more interesting discussion.

Yeah.

You know, but here's the thing, though.

Like I'm not going to lie.

I legitimately think Rodman poses a bit of a strategic play here, because he's the only one that I could see befriending the xenomorphs and like being able to like kind of speak their language, get in their head.

So he'd be like, play fair.

Come on, come on.

I mean, he's a good ambassador.

Think that about Rodman.

He's a good ambassador.

He's a good foreign ambassador for the US.

So you feel like he would like 100 speech their ass.

Yeah, right.

Like charisma build.

What would he say to them?

I think he's saying that because he went to North Korea.

Yeah, I mean, look, he's he's a good ambassador for the US.

I think he would try and try and tell them, hey, you know, play the game, buy the rules, listen to the ref, and then the refs would bring the game in the bull's favor.

Except for the xenomorph ref.

I'm sorry, I'm looking at the Space Jam wiki at the Monstars and the.

The descriptions they have of these players are really funny.

Yeah, and that's the thing, too, about Rodman.

Everyone seems to like the guy, you know.

You say that, but historically, his teammates didn't know him because he just kind of did his own thing, so they would just show up hung over to games and the coach was like, yeah, whatever.

It's fine.

Let him do his thing.

Makes me like him more.

So, the name of the Monstars, each player is named Pound, Blanco, Bang, Bupkis and naut, N-A-W-T.

These are also the Xenomorph's names.

They've adopted them.

Pound is bossy, demeaning, mean-spirited and takes pleasure in bullying Michael Jordan and the Looney Tunes.

He plays shooting guard and he's based on Charles Barkley.

Well, who is a power forward?

So that's already not correct.

Blanco is a blue nerd luck who is dumb and laid back.

He is also friendly and wears a pink bow tie and speaks in a thick Californian accent and is based on Sean Bradley.

Why was the wrong color for Blanco?

Why does an alien?

Have a thick California accent?

That's what I'm trying to figure out.

Bang is second in command.

He speaks in a high timid voice and is nervous and concerned as a monster.

He looks like Patrick Ewing.

He is muscular, has a large chin, small dragon-like eyes, spikes on his back, and a red-orange flat top.

He enjoys insulting Michael Jordan and picking on balloony tits.

Brody likes this one.

Yup.

I was like, you described it and I'm like, Spyro?

Well, Bubkiss is purple.

Is he the right shade of purple?

That's the question.

That's the question.

He is emotional and cocky and has dark purple hair and pointy ears that are slightly floppy.

He speaks in a deep, suave voice and is very muscular.

He enjoys mocking Michael Jordan and hurting the looney tunes.

Oh, he likes hurting them, so it's different for him.

He's a sadist.

He takes pleasure in it.

And Nott speaks in a high, squeaky voice.

He is smart, wears light orange and yellow spotted bow tie, and he looks like Muggsy Bogues.

Let me ask a question.

Do you think that if Space Jam happened during the two years Michael Jordan played baseball?

Do you think they didn't?

Yeah, as you say, that's a whole plot point is he's playing baseball at the beginning of the movie.

I thought he played golf at the beginning of the movie.

No, he's playing baseball for the White Sox.

So so in Canon, then Michael Jordan is grieving his dad's death playing minor league baseball.

What if they just said, hey, play baseball against us?

Like they're going to win.

Oh, they win.

That was a tactical error.

Michael Jordan was not very good.

That was a tactical error for them.

I think they said basketball first, and then the Looney Tunes went and got Michael Jordan for that specifically.

Yeah.

And he was like, bro, I don't play basketball anymore.

And they went and got his North Carolina Tar Heels uniform.

Yeah, they literally gave it.

They literally pulled the one last job on Michael Jordan.

And then in real life, he went back to the NBA because the Looney Tunes taught him the love of basketball again.

Yeah.

It's a shame he didn't thank the Looney Tunes in real life for bringing him back when he when he sent that fax of I'm back.

We can AID fake.

That's true.

We shouldn't, but we can.

Yeah.

Well, I that fax is iconic.

It is so good.

The facts.

So when Michael Jordan unretired from basketball, he just sent a fax that just said, this is kind of this comes from the office of Jordan.

Yeah, this comes from the office of Michael Jordan, and then it's just a huge gap, and it just says, I'm back.

And that's the end.

Wow.

That's kind of baller.

I'm not going to lie.

Yeah.

Right.

I think even with that, I got to give this one to the xenomorphs.

I just don't know how you get over multiple eight foot tall creatures, because you're not going to need to.

That are 400 pounds, 400 pounds and fast.

Like those things run like 30 miles an hour.

Now, if it is Michael Jordan and the Looney Tunes versus the xenomorphs, I think you have more of an argument there.

Yeah, like the stretchy properties would help.

Yeah.

They're just a little more fantastical.

Perhaps a little more even of a match up.

If it's the Monstars versus the Xenomorphs.

Monsters, they lost it.

They lost to the Monsters.

All I'm saying is I'm smelling a new property franchise.

Like the Monsters.

Ben Simmons is a monster.

Let's be clear.

Oh, my God.

You can't say that.

Do the Monstars not play?

Some of them had to be on the bench.

You can't just play with a team of five on five.

Like, this is a professional game.

Like, they have 15.

They have they have 10 ride the bench.

They have Danny DeVito as their coach, kind of.

That's valid.

That's valid.

Oh, yeah, they do.

Do you think if Ben Simmons when in the playoffs, if he if it's not Trey Young in front of him when he goes to take the shot that he's afraid of taking, and so it's a xenomorph.

Do you think he takes it?

Like he's more intimidated by Trey Young, the six foot two, like one hundred and fifty pound man's ankles.

For all we know, man.

I mean, the guy will do anything to not play basketball.

So I feel like perhaps you still wouldn't, including life altering back surgery.

Yeah, exactly.

For funsies.

And then getting multiple quarters on shots because he keeps slipping the disc in his back.

Yeah.

No, I mean, for real, like, like, actually, factually, like, actually, it's like, no, unfortunate.

But like it is what it is.

But Justin, pull this up.

What what are the xenomorphs free three point percentage?

Xenomorph.

because like three, we got to be the first people percentage.

Career.

Yeah, because like I.

Xenomorph stats.

Yeah, yeah.

I expect someone has asked me before, but I am unsure how to search for it.

Has anyone given stats to an alien franchise xenomorph?

I'm glad we're not the first one here.

I'm glad I'm glad that this is an issue that can be resolved by like finding the guy who asked it on Reddit seven years ago.

Like I'm really I'm glad so I'm so happy about that.

Well, there's a team in the big three, which is called the aliens.

Does that work?

No, because it because three don't count in the big three.

Like those are just twos then.

Right.

That's true.

They'd be ones and twos.

because they're playing three v three.

So it's just one point and two points.

Nothing, nothing.

If you if you command F dunk on the Xenomorph fan wiki, unfortunately.

Damn, I got to say, the aliens are kind of stacked.

They have paul and out they have paul Milsap and Al Jefferson on the team.

Oh, you mean, OK.

I saw you.

This is you know, I have Kevin.

I also thought that you thought the way you saw and I was like, damn, that's a little weird.

OK, because I was definitely thinking Seth Rogan's paul.

He said, I think that why would I think that?

Why would I say alien?

He's the beast, the beast, the alien from why would I ever think of anything?

Seth Rogan's ever done, Brody?

because this is a serious show, paul.

It's a serious show.

We're doing this for real.

Realistically, I think we could realistically put Richard Jefferson on the Xenomorphs team and kind of nothing changes.

They still win.

What do you mean?

Richard Jefferson is very good.

Does he have to play like?

No, not necessarily.

Or is he just there on like, is he like on like color commentary?

Color commentary.

Yeah, he's their color commentator.

Yeah, he could be color commentator.

And then we need someone for play by play.

Who's doing the play by play for this?

Yeah, I want Taz.

Taz like wrestling.

Taz and Richard Jefferson.

Taz and Richard Jefferson.

That would honestly I would watch that.

I would watch his heartbeat.

I don't care what's going on that day.

I am seated for that.

I am on it, dude.

If anyone tries to talk to me that day, I am not.

I'm going to have a little like a small rabbit ear TV.

I don't even need that.

I could pull out my phone, but I'm going to have a small rabbit ear TV.

I'm going to turn into ABC where they're going to be playing the ESPN broadcast of this.

I don't care what they tell me to do.

I'm not leaving that funeral till that game's over.

I'm not.

Definitely.

And I don't think we could close it out any better than that to be completely honest with you.

What a great podcast.

We did so good.

Good episode, boys.

We are the only podcast.

Only podcast ever made.

Number one in Norway and everywhere else.

That's true.

Help us find more people in Norway to infect like the xenomorph infected Michael Jordan's father.

Yeah, please share the podcast.

Share this episode in particular, because this might be the best and worst episode we've ever done.

As I predicted in the first half, as I predicted it, I said it'd be either the best or the worst, and it was both.

So, yeah, you didn't say that leave us a review.

Like I said, leave us a comment.

Leave us a like if you haven't already.

If you don't like the video anymore, you can take the like back.

Hopefully you left one earlier.

You can hit a dislike for all I care.

It does the same for us.

We make the same amount of money and follow us on every social platform.

Go to crub.org/join to join the Discord and tell Justin to look things up.

He will be contractually obligated that if you say, Justin, pull that up, he will.

He has to at all times.

It doesn't matter what he's doing.

I've told him, like Justin, pull that up and he grabbed my huggies and he pulled them up.

We've put it in his contract.

Yeah, Justin has changed me before.